I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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