DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
