He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Couch. On fire.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
