She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I faked an abortion last night.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
