I can tuck mytits in my pants
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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