Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
