Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
