Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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