Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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