it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
