I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
