u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
