rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
