so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize