Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
