Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
