dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
