there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
