You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Houston, we have a squirter
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
