my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
