are you still at the devil's house?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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