He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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