like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
