Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
