guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
