tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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