He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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