are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
