We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize