Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
