sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
