Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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