can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
