I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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