I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
