Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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