i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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