why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
there is another microwave in the elevator.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
