Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
