did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
