Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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