im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
