it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
