so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Panties = found
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
