im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
