id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
