Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
