i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
you had me at cake vodka
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
