I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
