ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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