i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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