does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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