i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
