Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
