After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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