Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
