I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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