wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
