does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
