I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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