He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
