okay pat passed out under dana's car
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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