I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Randomize
