Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Randomize
