when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
cat food counts as protein by the way
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You took a bar mat shot.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
