sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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