Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
