Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
