I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
