No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
