Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
