you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
