i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
