don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
